I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize