He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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