woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
