i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
