If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
