Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
