Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
