When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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