SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
