I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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