Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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