I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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