Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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