I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
