He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
