Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
