Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
