you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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