just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
