i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
