Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
