Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
