You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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