My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
