I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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