So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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