Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
