maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
