You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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