You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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