I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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