thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
