with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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