i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
