i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
