I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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