I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize