thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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