I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've blown a few things in my day
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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