Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
