the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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