Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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