I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
