We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
