it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
