Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
