I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
