This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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