I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
