I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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