New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
