she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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