I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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