wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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