You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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