I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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