john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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