she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
try to milk me bitch
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