I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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