So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize