I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
