Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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