i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
