The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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