then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
