I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize