Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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